Goodbye Chemo

Tomorrow at 12:15 I start my last scheduled chemo. It is a bittersweet feeling. Sounds strange I am sure. I am absolutely thrilled that this is the last time I have to go through the process and the aftermath. Thrilled that this part of my journey has come to an end.

But it comes with some hesitation. As mentioned previously, there is a small level of comfort in knowing what comes next. In having a schedule, in having a count down. I'm at the end of my countdown -  Don't get me wrong, it is not like I am not celebrating it's just that I recognise I will have a 'new normal' and I don't know what it looks like yet. For someone like me, who tends to be logistical in thinking that can be kind of unsettling.

I know that I have about three weeks after tomorrow to recover. Then I will get tested again, CT, PET, and MRI. I will get the results in week four. And we will go from there. I have every confidence that by the beginning of August I will be well on my way to healing. There is of course a possibility that I will have to have further treatment but we will deal with that if it comes up. For now I am focusing on some nasty drugs that I will get tomorrow that will speed their way to what may remain of my cancer. Those drugs will take one last kick at the tumour and chase it out of my body once and for all.

I have come to realise that this journey is not just one that will end when my chemo ends. This journey will continue. Every three months when I get retested. Then every year. Then every five years. I am in for a long relationship with Lymphoma and the cancer agency, something I had not considered when this all began. I realise I have to get my head around that. There is a certain level of acceptance I will have to come to terms with. I will have to find and embrace my 'new normal'. I will also have to come to terms with the fact that I am a survivor.

Thank you everyone for joining my so far on this part of my journey - being able to share this with you has been very good for me and has allowed me to process a lot of this. Thank you for your continued support, treats, food, drink, company- and most importantly, LOVE.