Best Halloween Ever!

Great News! As of October 31, I am officially in remission. Blood and scans are normal. Still proseccing it all. lots of tears. but so so good.
I will touch base soon. just want to enjoy this moment!
THANK YOU. All your love, prayers and support have sustained and helped me.
Big hugs and kisses.
Sara

Hello???

So clearly I am not what you would call a blogger. A blogger after all writes updates, has comments, um blogs...
If any of you are still visiting THANK YOU - you clearly have more faith in me than I deserve! I thought I would touch base as I know this is a means of getting info for some and I appreciate that. I apologise that I went radio silent for a while.

I always contended that this was a means to get info out and post thoughts now and then. I have not wanted to use this as a gripe and complaint site. While so many 'good' things have been going on I have also been in a funk and have not had the energy to try and convey or share many of my observations. Thank you for your patience and understanding. Getting back into 'real' life has been more of a challenge than I ever anticipated and in some ways one of the hardest things about this process.

I had 23 days of radiation - it took up the month of Aug. Fatigue and monotony were the two big side effects. Managed to sneak away for a couple of days with the family and that was perfect.

Back to school was a gong show - isn't it for every one! But all settled in now. We actually just returned from 10 days away in Mexico - a well deserved family vacation. And now this Monday morning i am looking at my weeks schedule.  Blood work, Ultrasound, CT. Next week I meet with my amazing Dr. and we confirm that all this zapping and poking and IV'ing has worked.

Yes I am nervous. Scared. But also looking forward of getting out of this limbo. I am tired of fitting my life in around cancer. It is time for me to fit the cancer in around my life.

With my treatment done there are so so many people I owe thanks to. That will come. I have to learn to be patient with myself too and give myself a break. Besides for all the help and love and good thoughts and encouragements I have received 'thank you' just does not seem to cut.

One of the silver linings of this process is learning the true breadth of our ability to give, to share, to love. It has been a humbling and enlightening experience. That is truly the most wonderful gift all of you have given me.

Fingers crossed for my results next week. I promise I won't make you wait as long.

Update

Not a very inspiring title! It has taken me a week since I saw my Doctor and to get my head around all the information. There, as with everything, is good news and bad news. Bad news is not horrible, terrible or by any means intolerable but it is frustrating to say the least.

Good news first. We started with a tumour the size of a tennis ball. we are left with a 'ditzel' about the size of the tip of a childs baby finger. So some awesome shrinkage. Still no spread and all systems (including the nuero ones that put me in the hosp) are all clear.

Bad News - we still have to get rid of the 'ditzel'. So yesterday, I went to the cancer agency and was fitted for a mold of my upper body and head - totally amazing what they can do now - crazy hard plastic sheet that they heated and molded over me. They did a planning CT and next week (most likely) I will start a course of radiation. It will last for 20 days, 5 days a week. The appointments themselves while everyday will only last about 15 min. The mold (it makes me look like spider man) is too hold my body still so they can get the exact spot they need too.

Exhale... Last week after I got the news i was in a real funk. I felt like I had lost my spark and I was not sure where I would find the resources after chemo to go this next step. But a few days in and a few  more days of recovery from my last chemo (now over 4 weeks ago - how time flies) I am feel ing ready and looking forward to this final step. Radiation comes with it's own effects, although not as prominent as chemo and it will take its toll for sure but I know it again is a necessary part of the process and so have tried to accept it.

Oh some more good news... I have a layer of fuzz on my head! Bad news - it is starting to come back on my legs too. A lesson for me in taking the good with the bad.

Love to you all. Thanks for continued support.
xo S

"Whoop Whoop" - V.G

Chemo is done!! I actually just cheered for the first time today when another woman came up to me. She approached me at a table and rubbed her short hair. "This will be you this time next year" she said with a huge grin.

She asked about my chemo and I told her I had had my last one. She cheered and raised her arms. Her joy was infecttious and I found myself allowing myself to cheer along. It was great - I have been tentative about celebrateing, concerned about letting myself get to hopeful. But today I learned something about embracing the moment - again.

It IS a huge accomplishment to be at this stage. Six months of treatment behind me. It is amazing. And I do deserve to embrace and relish that this stage is done.

Like I said in the last post we are going into a 'new normal'. We will know more about what the summer looks like in the next coupls of weeks. I have all of my testing on July 5 & 6th. Then see my doctors the following week on the 11th.

Thanks for hanging with me - I have realized I am certainly not a 'daily blogger' and I appreciate you all hanging in  there.

Thanks for food, care, treats, time, and always LOVE for me and my family.

Thanks Riders!

It was pouring rain when I was picked up at 6am. In a car with four other excited cheerleaders on our way out to watch the Ride to Conquer Cancer and cheers on our friend Vicki her husband ond others.
The rain did not bother us much - not as much as it would bother the 4000 riders that gave their weekends to ride from Vancouver to Seattle to raise $ for cancer.

They whizzed by quickly - lots of riders had yellow flags on their bikes - that meant they were survivors. A catagory I am hoping to join very soon.

We caught a glimpse of our friend and she of us - mere seconds .but so so worth it.

It was awesome and uplifting and inspiring to see her ride by with her yellow flag. Way to go Vicki and way to go riders. Thanks.

Goodbye Chemo

Tomorrow at 12:15 I start my last scheduled chemo. It is a bittersweet feeling. Sounds strange I am sure. I am absolutely thrilled that this is the last time I have to go through the process and the aftermath. Thrilled that this part of my journey has come to an end.

But it comes with some hesitation. As mentioned previously, there is a small level of comfort in knowing what comes next. In having a schedule, in having a count down. I'm at the end of my countdown -  Don't get me wrong, it is not like I am not celebrating it's just that I recognise I will have a 'new normal' and I don't know what it looks like yet. For someone like me, who tends to be logistical in thinking that can be kind of unsettling.

I know that I have about three weeks after tomorrow to recover. Then I will get tested again, CT, PET, and MRI. I will get the results in week four. And we will go from there. I have every confidence that by the beginning of August I will be well on my way to healing. There is of course a possibility that I will have to have further treatment but we will deal with that if it comes up. For now I am focusing on some nasty drugs that I will get tomorrow that will speed their way to what may remain of my cancer. Those drugs will take one last kick at the tumour and chase it out of my body once and for all.

I have come to realise that this journey is not just one that will end when my chemo ends. This journey will continue. Every three months when I get retested. Then every year. Then every five years. I am in for a long relationship with Lymphoma and the cancer agency, something I had not considered when this all began. I realise I have to get my head around that. There is a certain level of acceptance I will have to come to terms with. I will have to find and embrace my 'new normal'. I will also have to come to terms with the fact that I am a survivor.

Thank you everyone for joining my so far on this part of my journey - being able to share this with you has been very good for me and has allowed me to process a lot of this. Thank you for your continued support, treats, food, drink, company- and most importantly, LOVE.

New News

Finally got home on the evening of May 15th, after 8 nights in the hospital. They were being extra careful with me as I had some neurological symptoms when I went into the hospital that they had to make sure were not caused by any stray cancer cells finding their way into my neurological bits and bobs. I was MRI'ed, CT'ed and ultrasounded every which way. I had my blood, spinal fluid and every other conceivable body thing tested. Great news is that none of it came up positive for cancer. I am still dealing with my one tumour in the centre of my chest. Phew...

Because everything came back negative however the Dr's have decided my 'issues' must have been caused by the chemo so they are taking me off of RICE and putting me back on CHOPR. this too has positives and negatives.

I was put on RICE because of the size of my still remaining tumour and the idea that they should switch it up at that point to ensure we got it all. My first initial reaction when they told me was but the CHOP was not working! It was in fact working very well and most people don't get a glimpse inside their body after four treatments. They have to wait until all six are done. So we don't actually know if we had not changed over to RICE what would have happened. Either way, I don't have much of a choice as the RICE clearly affected me and we certainly don't want to go down that road again. There are plenty of other second line treatments after CHOPR so I am not worried. It was doing it's job, now we are just going to let it finish what it started.

The best part about going to back to CHOPR though is the number of treatments. I have one this week (probably Wednesday) and then only ONE more! That's right. After Wednesday I will have one down and one to go. I know you are with me in thinking that the last two will be the ones to do it - they will blast the last few bits out and I will be into a summer of recovery and good health.

I won't lie, it has not been the easiest of weeks. Spending Mother's Day and my birthday in the hospital were low points in this process for sure. And there is not even a BUT this time. I have no story, no big revelation, no silver lining. And maybe that is the point. we all come to a place - and it is totally OK to say this out loud - that every so often we are allowed to say to  ourselves - This Sucks. It really, really sucks.

And then... your kids give you their home made cards.

Thanks for all your love, concern, help. Prayers, generosity and love. And love. And love.