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Finally got home on the evening of May 15th, after 8 nights in the hospital. They were being extra careful with me as I had some neurological symptoms when I went into the hospital that they had to make sure were not caused by any stray cancer cells finding their way into my neurological bits and bobs. I was MRI'ed, CT'ed and ultrasounded every which way. I had my blood, spinal fluid and every other conceivable body thing tested. Great news is that none of it came up positive for cancer. I am still dealing with my one tumour in the centre of my chest. Phew...

Because everything came back negative however the Dr's have decided my 'issues' must have been caused by the chemo so they are taking me off of RICE and putting me back on CHOPR. this too has positives and negatives.

I was put on RICE because of the size of my still remaining tumour and the idea that they should switch it up at that point to ensure we got it all. My first initial reaction when they told me was but the CHOP was not working! It was in fact working very well and most people don't get a glimpse inside their body after four treatments. They have to wait until all six are done. So we don't actually know if we had not changed over to RICE what would have happened. Either way, I don't have much of a choice as the RICE clearly affected me and we certainly don't want to go down that road again. There are plenty of other second line treatments after CHOPR so I am not worried. It was doing it's job, now we are just going to let it finish what it started.

The best part about going to back to CHOPR though is the number of treatments. I have one this week (probably Wednesday) and then only ONE more! That's right. After Wednesday I will have one down and one to go. I know you are with me in thinking that the last two will be the ones to do it - they will blast the last few bits out and I will be into a summer of recovery and good health.

I won't lie, it has not been the easiest of weeks. Spending Mother's Day and my birthday in the hospital were low points in this process for sure. And there is not even a BUT this time. I have no story, no big revelation, no silver lining. And maybe that is the point. we all come to a place - and it is totally OK to say this out loud - that every so often we are allowed to say to  ourselves - This Sucks. It really, really sucks.

And then... your kids give you their home made cards.

Thanks for all your love, concern, help. Prayers, generosity and love. And love. And love.

Forced Vacation

I have been admitted to the hospital because of a drop in my white blood cell count. I came in Monday, it's Friday night now and it looks like I will be here for the weekend. They have a couple of more tests I need to do but the good news is that my blood counts are back to normal. This probably means next weeks chemo will be pushed for a week, so the schedule will be set off a bit but the Dr's want to be absolutely sure my body can handle it. Lots of precautions, feeling soooo much better than I was just anxious to get home now. I have my own room so am able to rest well. Keep sending me your positive thoughts. Thanks for all your love and support.

Ride To Conquer Cancer

I know a super amazing woman who last year had breast cancer. My friend Vicki. It might be hard to understand this but (and I SO wish it were not the case) the way Vicki had cancer, dealt with it, laughed about it, cried about was like a window into I hoped how I could be should I ever be faced with the challenge. Well we all know how that turned out...

Vicki is cancer free now and as much as it pains me to say this she has been like my cancer mentor. I really hope that there is a day some time very soon that none of us have to have the dubious honor of getting a phone call or an email from a loved one or friend beceause they now are part of the club. I don't want to mentor anybody! (But of course I will) That is why I want you to support Vicki. She is riding for me, for her and for the other women and men around her that have had to face a cancer diagnosis.

She is riding to Conquer Cancer - a two day bike ride from Vancouver to Seattle.

Please check out her page - http://www.conquercancer.ca/site/TR?px=2838995&fr_id=1413&pg=personal

And consider making a donation to her or perhaps someone else you know who may be doing the ride.

Thanks - S

So Far So Good!

Just a quick note today. Or at least it is going to start out that way... Everything is going pretty well  with the new treatment. Hardest part so far was the three days I had to spend in the chemo chair. BUT and there is always a but, as always, I was taught a good lesson on day one that softened the blow.

One of the other people I shared the room with was a woman (about 50?) who came with her daughter. She was dressed professionally and when she first came in I thought she must be looking for someone. (she had all her hair) - yes I know LOTS of people keep their hair, but on the 6th floor 'most' of us are baldies. Point is she marched right in and sat down and pulled open her shirt to expose her port. Some people get chemo through a port in their chest.

I soon found out she was on her 78th treatment. Approximately every two weeks for the past four years... Keeping the dragons at bay.

I can totally do this until the end of June.

Blanket thank yous today - especially to the meal angels who mysteriously drop food on my doorstep - I am getting a great dish and bowl collection... I will keep them until you reveal yourselves xo