Sunny Skies

This weekend past was great. Felt so much better then the previous week and my spirits were back up. Went to Ben's hockey game on Saturday and it was great to get out, watch him play and catch up with some of the parents. On Sunday while the sun was shinning we decided to go for a walk in Richmond on the dyke. When we left the house it was sunny but the direction we were headed in had a huge black cloud over it. I wondered aloud if we were going to get caught in it. About the third of the way there it started to hail;big chunky things bouncing off the car. Don told me "don't worry where we are headed its sunny". I could see the blue patch he was referring to but was not as convinced as he was that the patch would stay blue or that it was actually where we needed it to be. Half way there the snow started to fall. Heavy wet slush that stuck on the road like transparent jelly. It got worse, the wind had picked up and the snow was hitting the car from the side. It was miserable. None of us were dressed for it and I nearly told Don to forget it and head home. But before I could he said "look it's sunny over there" I still was not convinced. Eventually we got to our destination. Through hail, sleet and snow. We got out of the car and brought our umbrellas but we didn't need them. The sun was shinning, not a cloud in sight -except from where we had come from - it was absolutely beautiful. The ocean, the mountains, everything was perfect.

It made me think about treatment, about my journey and about the process I will repeat over the next few months. I might have to go through some shit but Don was right all along - It's sunny where we are headed.

Enjoying the sun and the fresh air - Richmond, Feb 26, 2012

Round Two

I have been struggling with what to write here today... While I remain positive and optimistic about treatment, recovery and my eventual return to health I have to admit the last few days has taken the stuffing out of me a bit. The procedure itself on Wed, the 15th was pretty standard, and the first few days went by pretty well. I got the same side effects as last time, on about the same schedule. The problem has been the 'aftermath'. It has been a lot harder to get myself back to a place of relative normalcy. Everything has taken a bit longer. I am having to rest more, I am dealing with side effects for a longer time. I suppose it is to be expected as chemo and the effects it has on ones body are cumulative I just had a harder time dealing with it this round and I don't necessarily mean physically. Perhaps it has been because I was so on auto pilot with round one. Perhaps the reality of my situation has settled and this is my new normal for a while, either way the last few days were frustrating. I think discombobulated is a good word for. My mind would be busy wanting to do things but my body would not have the energy or I would be restless, frustrated about sitting around but I could not get my brain to work to put two and two together. Finally today a week and a day after round two I am getting some clarity and some sense of feeling a bit more balanced. It could not have come soon enough!

Thanks for Moms & Moms In Laws, visits (especially Sophia), cards, notes from old friends, dinners, rides and emails. Thanks for supporting my family and cheering loud - Go Eagles! Thanks for words of encouragement, prayers, thoughts, good vibes and LOVE.

But What Were The Symptoms...?

Because all of this came on so fast and seemingly out of left field many people have asked me about symptoms. I think because I was generally healthy and felt pretty good we were all quite surprised and caused some to wonder about their own bodies.  I know a number of people who on hearing my news went to get either a physical or a lingering problem checked out. (Good!) So if you are not interested in a little Lymphoma 101 (and how it related to me) stop reading now.

Symptoms:
-Swollen painless lymph nodes (lumps) - in your armpits, neck, shoulders, groin. This is the most common symptom and often the ONLY one.
- Weight loss; can occur rapidly and for no reason - 10-15 lbs over a couple of months.
- Fever that is continuous or occurs intermittently over a period of time and doesn't seem related to a chest or urinary infection is a good sign that you should consult a doctor. Fever that is related to node swellings occurs commonly with infections, and many lymphomas are often mistaken for infections at the early stage. Occasionally, in those affected by Hodgkin lymphoma, a characteristic fever called Pel-Ebstein fever occurs.
- Excessive sweating at night. Drenching change your PJ's kind of sweating was how is was described to me
- Itchiness all over your body
- Loss of appetite
- Feeling of weakness and fatigue
- Breathlessness / can be with or without swelling in the face and neck

Finally, as lymphomas can occur in any organ, may give rise to some unusual symptoms as well. A lymphoma in the stomach can cause pain in the abdomen, and a lymphoma in the brain can cause headaches or leg weakness.

How did all this relate to me? Well, it didn't really. But looking back now over the fall of 2011 there may have been a few clues. I had no lumps, certainly did not loose any weight, no fever, no night sweats, no itchiness, no loss of appetite.

I was tired - but what mother of two from September to December isn't? Breathlessness - I remember a couple times thinking to myself over the fall that I really needed to work on my deep breathing as I found myself breathing shallower - it was 'easier' - but nothing that really caused me concern. Looking back the biggest thing for me was a pain that I thought was a reoccurring muscle problem. I had it twice once after playing tennis twice in two days (I am a lefty) and once on vacation in cabo after swimming laps (ok dancing). I thought I had pulled a muscle or ssomething although the location was a bit off. I now know I had irritated the tumour.

I always wondered how people could have 'things' inside them - "World Weekly News woman had watermelon size tumour removed from her butt." - and not know. Well I had one the size of tennis ball (shrinking as I write) and by the doctors accounts being as aggressive as this kind is it was about to go postal on my body. So the lesson from all this - listen to your body, get things checked out.

And most importantly try to find balance in your life so that if something is off you are more in tune to detect it.

Thank you for visiting - for your cards, notes, emails, tulips, soups and POW-ER, Coleman hugs, yummy breakfasts and homemade sauce, encouragement, good wishes, healing thoughts, strength and Kleenex and as always LOVE.

Round Two:
So far so good. My Mom came with me today, it took about 3.5 hours to get all the medicines in. They do one at a time. My procedure is called CHOP-R each letter stands for a drug. First I take a Prednisone (sp?) pill. The next one has the dubious nickname of the 'red devil'. It is put in via IV. The nurse has to push two big syringes in by hand to make sure it goes in slowly but is also getting to the right place as it is very damaging to tissue. Red devil is the one that has caused my hair to fall out. Yes it is almost all gone.

I had cut my hair shorter in anticipation of this and Wednesday of last week it started coming out. It was not falling out everywhere but if you pulled on it it came out with no resistance. Very strange, and when I realized it was happening there were a few tears for sure. It made everything so real. Anyways went up to Whistler to relax and recoup for the weekend before this round and it was coming out a lot more. Sunday when we got home we had a family vote. Leave it to be patchy or shave it off. The boys voted for the shave. So while they danced and sang to try and keep me smiling (their idea not mine & it worked) Don shaved it off. Don should never be a barber. I have a little stubble left that is slowly disappearing. Biggest difference is that my head is always cold so when I am not wearing a wig I always have to have a hat.

Back to the treatment. Next was one they call Vinchristie. Done by drip IV takes about 15 min - another one that is hard on your system and can be hard on the veins going in. Nurse said I have good veins as I went all smoothly. The second two are together and take about an 1.5 hrs. It goes in smoothly but gives you what they call wasabi nose - like you have snorted wasabi or horseradish. It is annoying more than painful and certainly clears the sinus's.

I was home and having a nap just after lunch and am enjoying having my Mom here for a visit. Last time the side effects I did have showed up Friday afternoon so I am not looking forward to it but also consider myself lucky based on the last time.

Thanks again, for rides for my kids, power chemo balls, flowers, ice cream and magazines, cozy coats (more about that later), good vibes ( I was levitating in the chemo room), prayers and most importantly LOVE.
xo S

Welcome & Why We Are Here...

Welcome to my blog. I have created this so friends and family can keep up to date on my progress as I journey through the trials and tribulations of my battle with Lymphoma.
A Little History...
On Sunday, January 15th I went to the hospital with severe chest pain. Although neither Don nor I voiced it out loud we were both fairly certain I was having a heart attack. That in itself was shocking but what followed would prove to be more so and alter the path of our lives forever. After ruling out a heart attack and a couple of other possibilities I was off to the CT scan. We went in to the hospital at about 12:30pm by 12:30am the Thoracic surgeon was giving us the diagnosis. I had a mass in my chest about the size of a tennis ball. It was possible it could be something else but the most likely candidate was a tumor caused by Lymphoma. I was admitted to the hospital and scheduled for a biopsy.
My surgeon Dr. K. Evens, performed the biopsy on Tuesday morning and the results were confirmed that afternoon. It was in fact Lymphoma but I would have to wait to know exactly what kind we were dealing with. In the meantime I was introduced to my Oncologist, Dr. Kerry Savage part of the BC Cancer Agency and one of the top experts in her field. Dr. Savage is part of a group of Dr.s led by Dr. Conners who are among the leading experts in the Lymphoma field in the world - so I knew I was in good hands. She sent me for more tests, CT's and X-rays while I was in the hospital to further my diagnosis. All in all I was in the hospital for 8 days.
The same morning I was released from the hospital I went to see Dr. Savage to get my results. I was diagnosed with Primary Medistinal Large Cell B Lymphoma, Stage 2B. The tumor was localized and there was no spread to other lymph nodes or organs. Knowing what I know now about Lymphoma I am very grateful for the diagnosis I have. The road ahead is tough but there is an excellent cure rate. I was scheduled to get into chemotherapy right away.
Chemotherapy:
First day was January 25th. I was in a great mood going in because that very day my brother Robert and his wife Jessica welcomed their new daughter (My new niece!) Sophia Simone. What a wonderful blessing! Chemotherapy itself is pretty boring. I had a great nurse who was informative and funny. I think both Don and I were still in shock and disbelief that we were where we were. Everything had happened so fast. After chemo is what everyone talks about, the side effects and other things that happen. I have to say thus far I have been very lucky. I did have some problems but no nausea and vomiting. The biggest thing was getting back on my feet after being in the hospital for so long and dealing with fatigue. Some days I have had to go slower than others. Now with my next round a couple days away I am hopeful that all the healthy eating and positive thinking will help me have the same experience. I know that as I go down this path I can expect the recovery to be harder but I have so much and support and help and love that I just know that will keep me going.
While we are on that topic. Thank you for your notes, cards, cookies, meals, love, prayers, shoulders, tissues, advice, swear words, wig advice, music, visits, healing stones, LOVE.